Controversial Art

My art is my body. My body is the canvas in which I develop expression and dedication. As a painter chooses his colors and his strokes, I sculpt my structure and consciously feed the system with passion and never ending curiosity. I decorate with fabric and jewels. I tend to skin and extremities with special oils and concoctions. How is this much different than any other artist who chooses a different medium? Once the body is developed, I add the expression and capture it with photography and someday by painting.

It's not so much an obsession with my own body. It's a fascination with the body canvas in general. It is a tool and a temple that was given by the Creator. I have been given the freedom to respect, research and decorate the vessel with whatever creativity I feel. It just so happens that this type of art can also be quite lucrative

I do see one difference worth a concern, that sets the body canvas away from a material canvas. That is that one can walk away from a material canvas any time he or she so chooses. The body is a little hard to escape, without substances or distractions. So the ultimate discipline is being able to know when it's time to sculpt and attend to the body and when it's time to let go, live and relax in the conscious, without substances or distractions.

I am still learning this balance. My issue lies in taking it really seriously to the point where grocery shopping is an ordeal. This is my substance obsession. I spend a lot of time reading labels and weighing in on how I can get more alkaline foods in my diet to keep the PH balance on point. It's pretty insane to the average person. But the thing is, I ENJOY going to the grocery store. Especially the produce and bulk section. It's like a hobby for me. There are so many combinations, experiments, and detox soups to be put together.

I write this out to discover why I am choosing to go this extreme. I've always been pretty extreme though, I just require a focus. In fact, when I don't have a focus, this almost over driven behavior, can turn into trouble or self destruction as I constantly need to be challenged. I also believe at this point at my life, I can do anything I put my mind to. All this seems to be preparation for what's to come. Preparing for the unexpected. Once this focus needs to be directed in a different direction, it will be. I suppose I could be focused on much unhealthier obsessions.

When younger, especially coming from a family of artists, I had a hard time finding what I was good at. What was my art? Sure I was great at imagining, and I can draw a little, dance a little, sing a little, write a little, but nothing outstanding. My random talents seemed so spread out that finding an expression that I truly felt proud of was hard to come by. I would often put myself in challenging or compromising situations to tap into my tools and instinctual reactions. Mostly to discover the essence of what I was made of; Simply to learn more about who I am and how do I express the message I have to share.

Where does art come from? I believe that the need to express one's point or message comes from the essence of energy that lies in us all. Call it God or Soul. We are all connected molecules, though sometimes the vibes and wavelengths get stuck on weird channels and need a new exit. This is what I believe causes one to have the urge to create.

Living is art. My expression through body is a lifestyle. At the same time there is a fine balance between not letting that body, the art, define you. 'Don't get caught up,' as the soul is much deeper and can get lost if the focus becomes primarily exterior expression. Modeling and body image is so often misunderstood. There is much controversy and concern in my family as I begin down this path. I feel like I am constantly having to explain and justify my journey. At this point, I've spent uncountable time taking care of myself, volunteering pictures and poses, I feel I owe it to myself to be successful. What does that mean? Who defies success?

Successful modeling to me would be becoming a unique type of role model in high demand, being sent all over the world. This includes being respected amongst the industry and financially independent. I want to model with energy, then body. Similar to an actress, though frozen in frames. I am aware and have come to know and respect that priorities change and develop. Focus and goals blossom and morph. This may be a short lived chapter or take me through many in this book of life. I am open. More than anything, I want to be understood. I want to share. I want to teach. Getting paid is blatantly the next step. I have a feeling once I have experienced success as a model, my journey will enhance and continue to change in unimaginable directions.

Maybe what I say is totally morphed and screwed in view. Who's to say really. Everyone has their perspective. I am confident but private. I don't often share my mind. In calculated caution, I feel that I might be labeled 'lofty', offend or be misunderstood. Or worse, hear someone tell me I can't do it. I'd rather listen and observe. This is part of why I began this blog, to express what I don't say; So that I may strengthen and unleash my communication, in hopes to release mind puzzles and prevent interior pollution. Thought patterns simply need to be regenerated like a fan or waterfall. The dam must be broken to create the flow.